Dear Nat and La.
I am now sitting on a red sofa and hacking you again. It is La’s fault. She left herself logged in and went to work. Unforgivable, right? Much chastisement is in order from the male figurehead of the relationship I’m sure. Too bad he’s in another country.
Just kidding. Here is my serious note.
I would like to apologize. I have wronged you both.
I figured it out the first week of camp. Someone told me they thought I might be a mean person. And because I have actually become a very sensitive person in the past year, I cried for two hours in my bedroom that night. Then I realized that morning that they may have been right. My feet were killing me.
I have never been compassionate towards La about her job.
The first week of camp I was kitchen staff. One of the days, I was in the kitchen for nine hours straight almost. I think part of me died. That was when I realized that La has a very hard job. Because I am tough. And it was hard for me to do. I felt very sorrowful in my soul. My older sister works hard everyday. Not just for a week. Every week. And I never cared.
Now I do.
I have not made a good enough effort toward being Nathan’s friend.
As the conservative young hippie woman that I am, I have always believed that the men should initiate conversations and correspondences with women. Nathan’s and my relationship has been very weighted to his side. I realized this the first day of camp. I haven’t pursued a friendship with Nat in the way I ought to. I want to change that. Because I know he tries hard. And I barely press in. 1st John 3:16 says it best I think.
“Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.”
I want to have the mentality that I would die for Nathan. I want to pursue a Godly friendship with him. I want to press in.
And now I will.
I need change and transformation in my heart. I have been unkind to my Mom about mums and visual at Church. I have been impatient with my Father about work. I have not tried to understand my baby sister and the things she loves. I have ignored my younger brother at times. I have been jealous of my younger sister.
And you two.
I have not been the sweet young woman I should be.
I promise to try harder. I really do. But I need something from you. I need your forgiveness. Because, from the very bottom of my heart,
I am sorry.
a flower glad for grace.